WOWEE!!! HOLIDAY BLOWOUT SPECTACULAR!

Hey Peep-Smears!!!! Chadley B.A. (Bad Attitude) BeBay here with our annual year end deluxe blowout spectacular! In this article we will give our top picks for new DVD releases, as well as our favorite flix in theaters now! First my top 5 new DVD releases:

5)Doctor Who Season 49 - Anyone who is a fan of Sci-Fi is a fan of "Who." the longest running psychadelic, weird looking, science-fiction comedy is back for a 50th season this fall. Before you tune into the new season, which has once again recast its titualar character (the 64th actor to play the iconic role), make sure you catch season 49. While each season usually has its own unique story-arc, its best to start at season 1 and watch them in order. For the die hard fans, Doctor Who: The Complete Series will be released next summer, with a retail price of $1,568,740.86

4)The Simpsons: The Motion Picture - While I was aprhensive at first, (as evidenced by my February 2007 Op-Ed piece "I Will Fucking Kill Matt Groening's Family for this One" ) I was pleasently suprised by the live action interpretation of the classic series, now in its 100th season. Viggo Mortisen stars as a Russian Mobster who falls in love with a British Nurse (Naomi Watts), who has the diary of a woman killed by the mob organization he is a driver for. Add the hilarious Simpson Family to the mix and you have a motion picture of startling depth that asks the question: when, if ever, is violence necessary, and how do the marks of a violent life influence ones moral aptitude?

4)The Pursuit of Happiness - I was a little worried I would not like this movie. I love Will Smith as an action star, and I had trouble imagining him as a poor blues musician with a young daughter. The fact that my bootleg copy misspelled the title didn't help. Who makes these things, 5 year olds? Anyway Smith delivered the dramatic goods, while giving the ultimate nod to fans with the film's closing line "Awwwww Hellllll Nawwww!!!"

5) Marilyn Manson's Halloween 3 - I normally don't like re-envisionings, but when Marylin Manson steps behind the camera, I fucking pay attention. Hot on the success of House of A Ton of Corpses and Devil's Retards, Manson returns to the camera to bring us a new vision of a horror classic. Jason was not in the original Halloween 3, but rather the Shamrock Mask Company who is using halloween masks to melt children's heads into mush.

Okay, so I dont have 5 DVD picks but I will continue with my Favorite movies in Theaters Now!

5) The Bucket List - I only had enough money to see one movie, and since I had to bring my grandma along, I had to see this flaming piece of rotten Nessie-shit. Its about two buddies, one black one white, who make a list of what they want to do before they die alone. Didn't really pay attention, and I left before the ending but I guarantee you two things: Neither people put "Fuck Whores" on their Bucket Lists, and one of them, probably the Black One, dies at the end leading the other, probably the white one, to finish both lists.

Well, thats all I got folks, have a great new year, and drive safe!!!

PS- Always use an alcohol vaporizer on holidays if you plan to drive. Keep your peepers peeled!

-C.B.A.B.b.

Movie News Weekend Christmas Present Wrap Up

NEW COLUMNIST!!! Introducing Clifton Dunbar!

Christian Bales (right) has just been confirmed to star as John O’Conner in Terminator 4: Terminator Wars. The 39 year old Irish star was said to be looking forward to working with Charlie’s Angels Director McD. The plot of the film is set to tell the story of John O’Connor as he leads his band of merry men in a fight against the giant Robot Megatron who sits in his fortress called Cloudnet.

In other news, BOwolf star Raymond Winstone has said he’s taking a break after Just wrapping the new Indian Jones instalment. He said “Ive been really busy the last few years so now I just wanna take a break have a fag and a few beers and slap the misses." Indiana Jones and The King of Skull & Bones will be released Christmas day 2008.

Survey: 88% of IMDB Message Board Posters are Vagina-Butts

Hey peepsie-daisies!

Chadley "Bad mother.. shut your trap" Bebay here... Whooo what a busy couple of weeks. They are moving our offices from 1st ave and 42 to Broadway and 176th, so Richie and I have been lost in the shuffle. But rest assured, we are back, and badder than ever. The one story that really motivated me to fire up the Apple II and get this blog rolling was a piece that AP ran a few days ago. I for one cannot believe how little attention this bit is getting. That, coupled with its relevance to the Entertainment Weakey fanbase, made this morsel of news top priority for this blogger. From A.P.:

"The internet community was stunned today as the results of a comprehensive and controversial survey were finally made public. The verdict: 88% of IMDB message board posters are Vagina Butts. That is to say, where a normal man (or woman) has a ridged taint bridging their assious fudge-holes to their respective sweaty bits, an alarming number of IMDB message board posters are instead stricken with sticky, mildewy cunt-lips surrounding a sloshy dickport. This condition has become termed by the medical community as Gluttius Snatchius Syndrome, or Vagina-Butt. Vagina Butts were previously thought to be far less common. Symptoms range from sticky stools to shit smelling pussies affixed to nether regions. There is no known cure."

As with any newly published medical data, especially a study with such serious implications, this report should be taken with a grain of salt. Anyone familiar with Vagina Butts would have pegged the number at maybe 40%, but if this is true, it will have inumberable affects on how we post condescending, smug, arrogant, dismissive, passive-aggressive and grumpy remarks on the beloved IMDB message board.

Bad news aside, check back later in the week for upcoming feature stories such as:

-Full Coverage of the Bucket List premiere

-An Exclusive interview with Hellion 2 director Benicio Del Toro

- A Detailed list of what scenes in Walk Hard are meant to be considered funny

- Christmas Pixxx with Reginald H. Dougleshitz, our new correspondant.

Alright you egg-sac-loving sploogebuckets, keep your peeholes peeled!

-Chadley Bebay

Dark Nights' Teaser Poster Pops Up Online!

Greetings fans! Richie Deschamps here. Sorry it's been a while since I blogged to all of you, I've been grieving the death of my collaborator Chadley's grandpapa. He's taking it hard, so if you could shoot him a quick email saying, "whuz up," he'd much appreciate it. In other news, the upcoming Batman remake, Dark Nights, upped the ante in their increasingly odd virus marketing. Fans who visited why-you-so-serious.net were given instructions to visit cafes in their respective locations and ask for a "Robin Quivers." They were then given a cake (pic above), which once eaten revealed...wait for it...keep waiting...are you ready...don't think you are...still wait...it burns when I pee...wait for it...AN IPHONE!

As if it couldn't get any better, once the last cake was picked up the website revealed this exciting new teaser poster (below). Want my two cents? This movie is gonna be friggin' BAD (In a Michael Jackson sort of way)!

Deschamps...out!!!

All about the Dark Knights Epilogue!!!

Greetings Peepenators!

Chadley Bebay here with more of the most trusted movie news on the entire web. As we reported back in March, Universal Pictures and Marc Bolan announced their plans to premier a 120 minute epilogue to Batman Beginnings, with MAXI theater screenings of I am A Legend. The epilogue will serve as a 120 minute bridge between the successful redux of the Batman franchise, and the next installment. (Fanboy rumors have been swirling with potential titles for the third Bat-Flick such as Batman-on-film.com/the motion picture, and Shadow of the Man. ) Anywho, Bolan and company debuted the epilogue last night, and boy does it sound tasty. A tasty nugget of geek-boy slick friction glitzy-bling. A super-scooper sent us this report:

"Hey Chadely. Richie. Hope all is well. I heard about those message board gnomes cramping your style. No bother, they aint worth spit. Anyway I was able to catch the 120 minute Dark Knights Epilogue last night in NYC, your hometown. Whoa shit! It was intense. Full of action, adventure, peril and drama, above all else. I wish I could remember more. Its kind of funny. Its all a little surreal to me right now. The details are fuzzy. Its almost as if I never saw it, but I just dreamed it. Also, there were no recognizable actors or characters. Hmm...its kind of a haze. Did I even see it? No, pretty sure I did... Anyway if you publish this, you can call me SqueakyTits666."

Well, there you have it. Looks like we have quite the crazy flick to look forward to! Until then, keep your eyes peeled and...

SEE YOU IN NOVEMBER! HA HA HA HA HA!

-Chadley

RIDDLER REVEALED!!!

WHAZ-UP PERPETRATORS!!!

Whoo! Chadley Q. Bebay here, refreshed and ready for action after a wonderful Thanksgiving vacation. When I got back from Nana's I was greeted with tons of new infectious marketing websites for the newest, potentially greatest installment of the Batman franchise, The Black Knight. Infectious websites have popped up everywhere! Some notables: MetropolisPolice.com, Whyyousoserious.com, Batman-Up-Jett's-Ass.com, 1-18-08.com, and my personal fav RememberingVagina.com. The kicker? Emperor Magazine/Hecamehesawhekickedsomeass.com which slowly gave us this, the first reveal of the Riddler:

There is strong debate whether the Riddler will have a permanent mask or if it will be removable. According the the comic organ, the Riddler is dropped in to a square container of biological waste, permanently afiixing his green domino mask to his face. Marc Bolan, director of of Black Knight, has stated he wants his Riddler to be "More realistic, cunning, and absolutely sexy..." The removable mask certainly is more realistic, but I am not sure. I guess I will have to trust Bolan, who won me over with Batman: Beginnings. I have no reason to doubt his genius. Fans have also butted butts over the casting of Heath "Broken Back Mounting" Legend, who will arguably fit the expectation of a "younger, hipper, sexier Riddler." Well, I can't wait to hear more! There are some pretty crazy rumors out there. Among the most outrageous: Batman may get a new costume (okay...sure.) Robin may die in this installment (could see that), and the grandaddy of all unlikely rumors: That Anthony Michaels may make a cameo as....wait for it....still....come on now....keep waiting...Oh shit. Oh God no...I think left my cat in the dryer.

Manic Mondays with Richie Deschamps!

Greetings fans! Richie Deschamps here wishing you a happy Monday! Boy, that director's strike is really starting to effect my late night TV viewing. Just last night I was trying to watch Craig Ferguson and something seemed slighty off. His jokes appeared to be somewhat...stale. His mannerisms...just a bit unfunny. And he was speaking in a British accent the whole time, I'm guessing in an attempt to be more funny. Wasn't this guy on Who's Line is it Next? I guess without our beloved directors, all of our favorite late night talk show hosts will bare the brunt. Jim Leno, I'm looking in your direction!

Anyway, it's Monday. You know what that means here at Weakey. Manic Mondays with Richie Deschamps! So let's get right down to it. Here are my 3 favorite movies to watch on a boring, rainy, ugly, stinky, no-good, son-of-a-cow, bastardly, arousing, stupid, dum-dum Monday night. Without further ado:

1) Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark (1933) - If you haven't seen this movie yet, you are a dummy. What planet are you from, Alaska? Anyway, it's a top-rate adventure flick starring the one and only Haroldson Ford as Indiana Jones, a skeptical paleontologist on a mission to find the lost Ark of the Coveted. Don't throw any rubber worms at this doctor, he just ates the damn things!

Classic Line: "Doctor Jones....NO MORE JUMPER SUITS!"

2) Goonies (1982) - The movie that defined my generation's childhood. This flick stars former childhood actors Sean Astin (Lord of the Rings, Ruby), Corey Haim (Stand By Me, License to Wed), and of course, Josh Brolin, of recent No Country for Old People fame. Directed by Richard Lester, this adventurous movie tells the story of 6 close friends on a journey to find a mysterious hidden treasure. Wackiness ensues when the group stumbles upon the Fanelli family, a hideous sloth-like creature named Slug, and, wait for it....a PIRATE SHIP.

Classic Line: "You Goonies are just a buncha Goonies, you stupid dumb Goonies!"

3) Army of Darkness (1988) - This movie is just plain weird, and I'll explain why. Apparently, Sam Raimi thought it would be funny to make a sequel to a movie that never actually existed, just to screw with out heads. The outcome? A fantastically hilarious, disgusting, raunchy, naked, bloody, phlegmy, putrid horror adventure in the name of fun! You can watch this movie a million times and still not get it. Where did Ash come from? Why is he missing his left hand? Since when do skeletons have the ability to walk around without any visible muscles, cartilage or even a working brain? It's just something you have to accept. And accept it you will.

Classic line: "Funky."

Well fans, my hands are tired from all this typing. Time to get back to my shift at Dairy Queen. There's blizzards to be served out there people!

Deschamps...out!!!

Freaky Friday Flix Roundup Weekend DVD PIX Top 5

Hey People-Eaters!

Chad here. Whudup my niggaz? Anyway its friday and if you know anything about ANYTHING you know that at Entertainment Weakey, or EW, Friday means its time for Freaky Friday Flix Roundup Weekend DVD PIX Top 5, selected by none other your favorite brother, Chad Bebay. If you are unfamiliar with this weekly feature its where I pick the 5 best movies to rent from Netflix for the weekend. You can also find this list on my netflix profile at:
www.netflix.com/profiles/strongblackandproud

Anyway, on with the PIX:

5) Back to the Future II (1955) - Better than the first, IMHO, Roger Zemekis nailed it with this one. I remember the wonder this movie inspired within me. From the Hover Blades, to the Flying Lambourghini, to Sports Atlas, this movie was pure Hollywood magic. I hear they are making a 3rd film in which Marcus McFudge and Dr. Emits Brown team up to stop the Nazis from discovering the Temple of the Crystal Skull (with overtones of Roswell-style Ufology rumored to play a small part!)

Favorite Line:
"Not Again!"

4) Top Secret (1988) - Val Kilmer stars as an idiot. The whole movie is a waste of time. Its about a spy or some bullshit. My cousin Jameson wanted me to rent this when he comes to visit, so I am stuck with it.

Favorite Line:
"This Mission has been hereby classified as Top...oh you get the picture!"

3) Monster Squadron (2298) - This movie is a pure classic! I loved it as a kid and it holds up today. Imagine pitting several teenagers against the classic Warner Brothers movie monsters! All your favorites are here: The Blob, Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, The Invisible Man, Vincent Price, all of 'em!

Favorite Line:
"The Blob has Nuts!"

2) Glenngary Glenn Ross (1994) - The film is denser with each viewing but the central element for me is this: GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS is a film about men. It is a film about men as you have probably not seen them before. What you see is the reason why the men women marry behave differently than women had always expected them to behave them in the home. The world of business teaches men to behave in a certain way.

Favorite Line:
"I'm gonna wipe the floor with Glenn, Gary, and Ross!

And the #1 one Freaky Friday Flix Roundup Weekend DVD pick is:

-Chadley

Some Random Movie News...

Hey fans....Richie Deshamps here. Sorry I don't sound as enthusiastic as I usually do. I just found out that my girlfriend Esmerelda has been cheating on me. I should have known when I couldn't find my copy of Rollerball (1982) last week. Don't even ask...

Anyway, I got some news for you guys, you know, if you feel like reading about it. If not, well...whatever. I heard the new Batman remake is gonna be cool. Um, I think I heard that Iron Men is supposed to suck or something. Let's see, what else, what else. Oh yeah, the new Rambo movie is simply called Rambos now. I guess it involves multiple Rambos kinda like Alien 3 (1872). Eh, that's all I got. Check in tomorrow, maybe I could fill you in on those Terminator remakes or something.

Deschamps...eh, whatever.

Amazing news!

Greetings fans! Richie Deschamps here! I just pooped my panties.

Deschamps...out!!!

Director Strike Cripples Hollywood!!!

Werd Up Peeping Toms! Chadely Q. Bebay here with some sad, sad news:

The entertainment world has been shaken to its very core this week as production halts on many of your favorite shows and movies. The reason? A strike! Following tough negotiations with union Reps, studios have failed to resolve issues with directors, so they went on strike. Thats right, all of your favorite directors are on strike indefinitely. Some familiar faces on the picket line include: George Spielberg, Brett Singer, Michael Bruckheimer, McGilliam, Joel and Ethan Farrelly, Jerry Mann, Sam Rattner, Werner Hitchcock, Ron Hughes, Steven Zombie, JJ Lucas and many others.

That means that production will halt in accordance with union guidelines. Among the movies and TV shows that will suffer: Justice Leagues, Hairy Betty, Samantha Why?, My Name is Ed, Littleville, Transformations 2, Mr. Magoo's Wonderful Poo, Desperate Nasty Old Cunts, Sex and New York City: The Motion Picture, How I Killed Your Mom, CSI: Montana, and many more. Keep your eyes peeled!!!!

-Chadley

Hump Day Classics with Richie Deschamps!

Greetings fans! Richie Deschamps here wishing you a happy hump day! That's right, it's Wednesday, and you know what that means. Hump Day Classics! This is where I pick a movie from my vault of iTunes videos and give you my thoughts on them. Let's not beat around the tree and get right to it. This week: Superman III: The Richard Lester Cut (2003)!

As many of you know, by the time Universal Studios got around to producing the third Superman film, tensions grew between producers and director Ridley Scott (left). Scott was pushing for a family friendly version of the iconic superhero, while Universal were adamant in exploring the darker aspects of the man we know as Kal-Mel. Well, before he could say "Look! Up in the trees!" Scott was fired and replaced by director Richard Lester, famous for his work with Scottish band Pink Floyd. However, a great deal of footage had already been shot by Scott (a reported 2%) and producers had no choice but to use it in the final cut, much to the chagrin of Lester.

Well put down my panties and call me Robert! Thanks to the magic of "re-editing," Lester was granted his wish to release his version of Superman III, the way he originally intended. That's right fans! All those scenes you read about on the internet (including the infamous re-straightening of the Eiffel Tower) are intact, and in glorious color. And the ending? You guessed it. Superman does speed up the rotation of the Earth to successfully travel to the future in order to save Lana Lang's life (in the original version, Lana Lang simply died).

Many aspects are the same, including Richard Pryor's wild pimping antics and the inclusion of superhero baddie Nuclear Man. However, Lex Luthor's role is cut down a bit to the point you keep asking yourself, "When is Lex gonna show up?" Not to mention Anthony Michael Hall's character is just a tad silly to begin with (yawn). Well folks, the newer version seems to be the preferred version among blogsters, and I can't help but agree. That's why I give Superman III: The Richard Lester Cut (2003) a score of 7/11!

Deschamps...out!!!

J.J. Walker's Cloverpatch gets Trailer!!!

Chadley here! Yes, I am back to Chadley. I think its sophisticated. Chaz B. just wasn't me. Anyway there is exciting news in the world of J.J. Walker, the acclaimed director behind Alias Known As, Lost in Space, and even 2004's A-Team 3: The Search for Barakas. This comes directly from an inside source close to production that has been known as 9-11-08. He wanted us to make sure that he was credited as: BonerPartyGravySweatPants6690:

"Hey Richie, Hey Chaz! First of all, LOVE the site! You guys have a great attitude and an ethically refined and accurately reported movie news blog (rare in this day and age!) Anyway J.J. Walker's new flick, tentatively titled: Cloverpatch, is getting a trailer to be released with the new stop-motion masterpiece B-Wulf Movie.. Its a riot with plenty of monster effects! Look out Hollywood here comes a new crazy..movie...and there....is....oh...oh....i am so lonely. oh, and make sure I am credited as BonerPartyGravySweatpants6690. thanks for nothing."

Well, thats really interesting news! I will leave you with the first look at the monster from Cloverpatch! Keep your eyes peeled!!!

Weekend Roundup with Richie Deschamps!

Greetings fans! Richie Deschamps here wishing you a Happy Friday! That's right, I go by Richie now. My mom called me Richie this morning and I thought it sounded rather sharp. Anyway, in the tradition of Friday, I thought I'd give my fans a rundown of the movies I'm going to be watching this weekend. Keep in mind, my allowance only allows me to see one movie in the theaters per weekend, the rest will come from my excellent collection of iPod videos! Without further ado...

1) Friday (1992) - Seriously guys, this flick is one of my favorites. I watch it just about every Friday after my shift is over at Dairy Queen. Sometimes I'll even watch it after lacrosse practice on Thursday because I'm so excited that it's almost Friday! The film is about rapper Ice T's adventures in a San Francisco "hood" with his friend and drug dealer Pokey (Chris Rock, left). Rock provides some of the film's best laughs, including the now classic lines, "You just got beat the f*ck up!" ... and a couple others I vaguely remember. Be sure to check out the equally amazing soundtrack including Ice T's own "Cop Murderer," Snoop Dogg's "Gin & Tonic," and of course, N.W.A's "Screw Tha Police!"

2) Fantastic Fours - Revenge of the Silver Surfer (2006) - I know what my fans out there are going to say. This movie is "too dark" for their taste. Well fellows, every now and then you want to enjoy a movie that's not targeted towards 12-year old boys, okay? From what I understand, the Fantastic Fours battle the notorious Silver Surfer and Galactica in an action-packed thrill ride from start to finish. All the Fantastic Fours from the original movie reprise their roles, even Michael Chicklet despite his busy shooting schedule on Showtime's The Wire. Well, my friend and sidekick here at Weakey, Chaz B., watched this last weekend and he just loved it. I'm sure I will too!

3) B-Movie (2007) - If there's any movie I'm gonna pay full price to see in the theater, it's this animated flick from funny-man Jerry Seinfeld. You may remember Seinfeld from TV's Everyone Loves Raymond in the late 80's. From what I understand, B-Movie follows the misadventures of a bee named Larry (quite possibly a reference to Larry David, star of Showtime's Curb Your Excitement), as he falls in love with a female bee played by Rene Zellweggerz. Hilarity ensues when Larry decides that humans shouldn't be getting honey for free, and takes them to court for years and years of theft. Sounds like comedy gold to me! Or should I say, comedy honey?

Well folks, my hands are tired from typing, but if you're into it, perhaps you could watch these 3 films and we can share our thoughts. I'm gonna be at my grandma's this weekend, but hopefully her IBM 486 is running!

Deschamps...out!!!

New Dark Nights' Infectious Marketing Campaign!!

Hey poppie-seeds! Its Chaz B here with another exclusive report on the new infectious marketing campaign associated with Dark Nights, the brand new Batman movie coming out this May. It started back in April when Universal Pictures launched the site yousoserious.com which gave us our first view of the Riddler, as well as the teaser trailer. In early October a creepy looking Jack 'O Lantern appeared, rotting more and more everyday. Then a slew of clues appeared on Halloween which set up Bat-Geeks for a multi-city scavenger hunt!!! It was fun fun fun for Bat-fans, Bat-dorks, Bat-freaks, Bat-Lovers, Bat-bitches, Bat-Bats, Bat-Slingers, Bat-Buddies, Bat-Jugglers,and Bat-Sympathizers! What did it all lead up to? This brand new Riddler Pic:

Pretty sinister, huh?!

Keep your eyes peeled for more Dark Nights shuttlecock!

-Chaz B

Movie Review: Saw IV!!!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with the movie review you've all been waiting for! I actually got to see Saw IV about a year ago at a sneak preview. I've just been waiting for the right time to post this review, and since today is Halloween, well, I figured I would give my fans what they wanted. Before you read any further, this review is SPOILER HEAVY! I put all spoilers in bold and red for those wanting to go into the theater empty-minded. Without further ado...

The last time we met up with our beloved Jigsaw killer (above), it was revealed he was infected with the deadly SARS virus. Through a twisted turn of events, it was also revealed that he had planted his sidekick and partner in crime, Ashley, in with a group of unsuspecting victims to throw us for a loop. Well, it worked last time and let me just say that this outing of Jigsaw will blow your mind! It ain't for the faint of heart, and certainly isn't appropriate for children under 5 (that's right fellas, leave little Chip with the babysitter).

I'm tellin' ya, this movie has everything. Babies get decapitated, bears get declawed, I think I even saw a worm get cut in half! But the most gruesome scene was when a victim wearing a cow outfit was sliced in half and made into bacon. They might have gone a bit far with that one. All in all, this is the Saw we've been waiting for! As many of my fans may already know, Entertainment Weakey's ratings are on a scale of 1-11 (just to please all you Tenacious D fans out there!). This movie, is near perfect, getting a certifiable 9/11.

Deschamps...out!!!

Halloween Picks with Richard Deschamps!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with a list of my top 3 Halloween movies for you to watch this weekend! I know it's been a while since I posted, I was helping my brother-in-law move into his new condo in Cincinnati. Whew! That was exhausting. I know my fans out there, I like to call you guys Deschampers, were eagerly awaiting a new post from me. Luckily my friend and colleague Chaz B. was able to hold the fort down! Without further ado...

1) Halloween 4: The Revamping of Michael Myers (1982) - After the disaster that was Halloween 3: Season of Witches, Clive Barker was in desperate need of revamping the horrific series that followed the homicidal maniac Mike Myers (left) as he continued to search for his baby brother. So what did Barker do? He hired Rob Zombie to re-imagine the original film for today's audience, that's what he did! Be sure to watch this one with the lights off, fellows. Also be sure to watch for Donald Pleasance's historically inaccurate line, "I stabbed him 9 times!" (Myers was actually stabbed 8 times.)

2) Friday the 13th Part IV: Jason Takes Manhasset (1943) - This outing of Jason has the football-masked killer on a boat cruise headed for, you guessed it....Manhasset, Long Island. This memorable creepy slasher flick has lots of boobies (for my male fans out there, watch this one alone at night *wink*) and plenty of blood and guts to satisfy the my female fans (yes, there is a castration scene but it's very quick). Favorite line: "Ka-ka-ka-ka....ku-ku-ku-ku..."

3) Jurassic Park III (2012) - Alright, alright, alright, before the emails start pouring in, I'm well aware that this movie isn't "technically" a horror film. But it still scares the bejesus out of me! The third film in this highly successful franchise has Jeff Goldblum returning once again to the Dragon inhabited island for yet another wacky adventure! Sure, George Lucas didn't take the director's chair for this one, but that doesn't stop the flick from being a non-stop thrill ride, comparable to the original film, The Lost World (1982). Favorite line: "That's not a dinosaur, that's my left arm!"

There ya have it folks! Three incredibly scary flicks to watch this weekend in preparation for Halloween. When you're hiding under the covers with the lights on, just shoot me an email and I'll get back to it as soon as I get a good wireless signal!

Deschamps...out!!!

Justice Leagues Casting Scuttlegutt

Hey peepsicles, Chaz B. here. Haven't posted in a while, I was in Italy visiting my sick Grandpapa. Anyway, I just heard some very exciting nuttlescutt about the new superhero blockbuster Justice Leagues of America. As we previously reported, Universal is dead-set on casting a young, hip and sexy Justice League. This is much to the chagrin of fans of Green Lantern, who feel that recasting a character already succesful in a concurrent movie franchise would be "confusing and irritating," or so says Jeb over at Green-Lantern-on-Film.com.

In a rare editorial plea to Universal Jeb wrote:

"When I thought that Universal may go with an older, wiser Lantern I thought they could differientiate this character from the Green Lantern known to the public as the ntergallactic ring-bearing novice crime fighter from the highly successful reboot "Green Lantern Emerges" and this summer's sure-fire blokbuster The Green Light. Going with a young, hip and sexy Green Lantern stomps all over the fine work Chris Jordan and company are doing. Universal?! Hello??! Suck my dick. You can quote me on that you cum-gargling whores."

Yikes! Meanwhile casting for the coveted role of Superman has set the pathetic retard community ablaze! Rumored contenders include: David Borrealis, Jack Gyllenhal, Shia LaBorf, Boylard McCracken, Burgess VonCutsie, and...wait for it.....wait.....still wait..........huh.

Keep your eyes peeled for more exciting sputtlenutt!

Chaz B

DVD Round-up

Hey peepies! Chadley here. I just got a new girlfriend and she suggested a bit of a name change. She thought that Chadley was not cool enough so from now on I am...Chaz B. What do ya think? Anyway its Monday and y'all know what that means! DVD ROUND-UP!! Coming soon to DVD:

1) Nirvana: Storytellers - One of the most highly acclaimed performances in history finally comes to DVD next month, just in time for the holidays. As you all know, Kris Cobain died after choking on his own puke some 20 years ago, but his legend lingers. VH1 has delighted music fans around the world by announcing the official DVD release of Nirvana: Storytellers.

2) Surf's Up - Frank Miller's suprise box-office smash is hitting shelves this week. Narrated by Morton Freeman (Batman Returns' Lucious Fox) Surf's Up is the most original family flick in years. Whoever told Frank Miller that penguins would be in so much demand is a genius. Who would have thought. Surfing penguins? Whats next, Dancing penguins?

3) Poltergeist: 25th Century Anniversary Edition - One of the most bone-chilling horror masterpieces of all time gets the deluxe re-release this week! Based on the book by William Peter Blatty, Poltergeist asked the burning question: What if your seemingly sleepy and docile existence in a reganomics-era suburban neighborhood was shattered by terrifying invaders from beyond the grave? And what if that movie starred Coach? Well, that question is answered by this fright-fest which gets a new release celebrating the 25th Century anniversity. In the immortal words of Linda Blair: "They're there......"

Pick up these exciting DVD's this week and keep your eyes peeled!!!

-Chaz B

JUSTICE LEAGUES SCRIPT DETAILS LEAKED!

What up peepers?? Chadley Bebay II here with a scoop on Justice Leagues of The Americas. Jeff over at Aint-it-Batman.film tells us that that a few script pages were leaked and plot details have hit the web! Among the juciest nuggets of tastey scuttlebutt:

-The main villian will be Max Luthor and his scheme will revolve around OPEC robots.

-The Flash will be a younger, hipper, sexier character then we have seen in previous incarnations (unlike ABC's hit 90's show starring John Wilkes Boothe.)

-Wonderman will have a love scene and we hear its pretty steamy stuff! Not to give too much away but here's a hint: She falls for a human (with an affinity for fish...)

-Bale will make an appearence!!! (Comics fans know Bale as the murderous ex-wrestler-cum-criminal mastermind from the Batman: Knighttime story arc)

-Batman himself will only have about 6 minutes of screen time. This is around the same amount of screen-time the character had in 1998's Batman-on-Film.com: The Motion Picture, which many feel is responsible for the movies poor box office performance. (Warners: PLEASE FUCKING RETHINK THIS!)

-Bizzarro will also cameo, no doubt dropping such gems as "Me am hungry" at every turn

Keep your eyes peeled for exciting new devolpements as they come in!!

-Chadley

my mom has 2 dicks and I bit one of 'em real hard

Want to Write for Entertainment Weakey?

Greetings fans! Richard Decshamps here letting you know that Entertainment Weakey is currently seeking dedicated, enthusiastic and reliable reporters to write for our blog! Those who are interested should send a resume to richard.deschamps@yahoo.com, cover letter included, with a list of your top 5 favorite movies of all time. Chadley and I will go over resumes on our lunch break. Good luck fellows!

Deschamps...out!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen!!! Here is your James T. Pike!!!

Hey peeps, Chadley here!

As J.P. Abrahms new Star Trek prequel-reimagining-sequel-reboot Star Trek V picks up steam, tons of new casting scuttlenutt comes in everyday. Well, the grand-daddy of tasty casting morsels has slid out of Columbia Picture's hindquarters, and we are the first to report it!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the new young hip and sexy Captain Pike: Shia LaBoof!!!

This guy must have slept with the most influential casting agent in Hollywood history!

Keep your eyes peeled for more exciting developments!!

I sharted on a dead hobo.

Star Wars TV Show...Coming Soon!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here reporting from a long time ago, in a galaxy very far away! Just wanted to let you know that a very reliable source of mine who wishes to only go by the name BibFortuneCookie82 has filled me in on the upcoming Live Action Star Wars TV Series. Here's a little of what he had to say:

"hi richard! love the site, very informative! just wanted to let you know that i just returned from the skywalker farm a couple days ago where steven speilberg was hard at work on the upcoming star wars tv show. looks like the series takes place somewhere between episodes 1 and 2, where a young luke skywalker is being trained by ben "obi-wan" kenobes. trouble ensues when darth vader realizes his son is luke's step-brother, anakin solo! as you can imagine, the series writes itself. let your fans know richie! keep up the good work!"

Wow! Sounds like this TV series is gonna be the greatest sci-fi show since the Sopranos. Make sure to keep checking in with Entertainment Weakey for updates on this project!

Deschamps...out!!!

Amazing Indiana Jones Teaser Trailer Pops Up Online!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with exciting news regarding the Indiana Jones remake! Fans around the world haven't been this excited about a movie since the conclusion of the Matrix Quadrilogy in 2002. And now we finally have some eye candy for our brains to hold us over until 2009 when Indiana Jones and the City of Gods hits theaters. Enjoy fellows!

Juicy Superman Begins Sequel Rumor!

Good afternoon fans! Richard Deschamps here with some intriguing news regarding the follow up to 2005's Superman Begins. My friends over at Ain't That Cool News have reported that Terrance Howard (right), famous for his role as Colonel Zod from Superman III (1974), is in talks to reprise the villainous role that made the actor a household name in the as yet untitled sequel. Supporting the rumor is the fact that Howard is currently working with Begins' director Sam Mendes on the upcoming Valkyries.

I gotta say, the idea of Zod returning to defeat Superman is brilliant. After all, wouldn't you be just a bit ticked if Superman confined you to an inescapable trapezoid in outer space for all eternity?

Deschamps...out!!!

Upcoming Rambo Movie Gets New Title!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with exciting news regarding the latest (and reportedly final) installment to the Rambo Trilogy! The film, formerly known as My Name is John Rambo, has now taken the title "Rambo: Ticket to Hell and Back," according to its distributer Lions Fence Films. Wow, folks! The title alone says this movie is going to be the action-packed conclusion to the series we've been waiting for since The First Bloods (1981). Rambo: Ticket to Hell and Back has a tentative release date of 2011. I know I'll be waiting in line....will you?

Deschamps...out!!!

Saw III Hits Theaters Soon!!!

Whud up peeps?! Its your favorite movie news columnist Chad Bebay here with some Saw III scoop.

As you may or may not know, the latest and final installment of the Saw trilogy hits theaters this wednesday, just in time for Halloween. I was able to get into an advance screening last night and let me tell you, Saw III is easily the best of the series.

Without giving too much away, the film starts off with a bang. Hacksaw (Tobin Hooper pictured) is dead, but don't expect that to stop the carnage! His young protege, I believe her name is Jessica, is also dead, but the two devilsh serial killers left one last trap... Can Mark Wahlberg (pictured) outlast Hacksaw's final malicious trap? You will have to check it out yourself. Saw III hits theaters this Friday.

New Terminator Films Greenlit!

Good evening fans! Richard Deschamps here with a story I just couldn't wait till tomorrow to post. Universal Pictures has just obtained rights to distribute "Terminator Slavation: The Future," a move that will reinvent the franchise with a storyline to be told over four...yes, FOUR, new Terminator movies! The annoucement of this film comes seven long years since we last saw Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jason Patric battle it out in Terminator 3: Rise of the Robots (2001). The same screenwriters of T3: ROTR have penned the script (John Brancatowitz and Michael Bueler), with rumors floating around that Rushmore (1973) director Brett Ratner will take on directing duties.

The only problem I have with this project is that I think Arnie is getting a bit old to make action pics. Afterall, the Florida Governor is 73 at this point, and reportedly weighs a frail 172 lbs. Wanna know who I think should star in the film? You guessed it, Sly Stallone (right). Hire this man.