Movie Review: Saw IV!!!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with the movie review you've all been waiting for! I actually got to see Saw IV about a year ago at a sneak preview. I've just been waiting for the right time to post this review, and since today is Halloween, well, I figured I would give my fans what they wanted. Before you read any further, this review is SPOILER HEAVY! I put all spoilers in bold and red for those wanting to go into the theater empty-minded. Without further ado...

The last time we met up with our beloved Jigsaw killer (above), it was revealed he was infected with the deadly SARS virus. Through a twisted turn of events, it was also revealed that he had planted his sidekick and partner in crime, Ashley, in with a group of unsuspecting victims to throw us for a loop. Well, it worked last time and let me just say that this outing of Jigsaw will blow your mind! It ain't for the faint of heart, and certainly isn't appropriate for children under 5 (that's right fellas, leave little Chip with the babysitter).

I'm tellin' ya, this movie has everything. Babies get decapitated, bears get declawed, I think I even saw a worm get cut in half! But the most gruesome scene was when a victim wearing a cow outfit was sliced in half and made into bacon. They might have gone a bit far with that one. All in all, this is the Saw we've been waiting for! As many of my fans may already know, Entertainment Weakey's ratings are on a scale of 1-11 (just to please all you Tenacious D fans out there!). This movie, is near perfect, getting a certifiable 9/11.

Deschamps...out!!!

Halloween Picks with Richard Deschamps!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with a list of my top 3 Halloween movies for you to watch this weekend! I know it's been a while since I posted, I was helping my brother-in-law move into his new condo in Cincinnati. Whew! That was exhausting. I know my fans out there, I like to call you guys Deschampers, were eagerly awaiting a new post from me. Luckily my friend and colleague Chaz B. was able to hold the fort down! Without further ado...

1) Halloween 4: The Revamping of Michael Myers (1982) - After the disaster that was Halloween 3: Season of Witches, Clive Barker was in desperate need of revamping the horrific series that followed the homicidal maniac Mike Myers (left) as he continued to search for his baby brother. So what did Barker do? He hired Rob Zombie to re-imagine the original film for today's audience, that's what he did! Be sure to watch this one with the lights off, fellows. Also be sure to watch for Donald Pleasance's historically inaccurate line, "I stabbed him 9 times!" (Myers was actually stabbed 8 times.)

2) Friday the 13th Part IV: Jason Takes Manhasset (1943) - This outing of Jason has the football-masked killer on a boat cruise headed for, you guessed it....Manhasset, Long Island. This memorable creepy slasher flick has lots of boobies (for my male fans out there, watch this one alone at night *wink*) and plenty of blood and guts to satisfy the my female fans (yes, there is a castration scene but it's very quick). Favorite line: "Ka-ka-ka-ka....ku-ku-ku-ku..."

3) Jurassic Park III (2012) - Alright, alright, alright, before the emails start pouring in, I'm well aware that this movie isn't "technically" a horror film. But it still scares the bejesus out of me! The third film in this highly successful franchise has Jeff Goldblum returning once again to the Dragon inhabited island for yet another wacky adventure! Sure, George Lucas didn't take the director's chair for this one, but that doesn't stop the flick from being a non-stop thrill ride, comparable to the original film, The Lost World (1982). Favorite line: "That's not a dinosaur, that's my left arm!"

There ya have it folks! Three incredibly scary flicks to watch this weekend in preparation for Halloween. When you're hiding under the covers with the lights on, just shoot me an email and I'll get back to it as soon as I get a good wireless signal!

Deschamps...out!!!

Justice Leagues Casting Scuttlegutt

Hey peepsicles, Chaz B. here. Haven't posted in a while, I was in Italy visiting my sick Grandpapa. Anyway, I just heard some very exciting nuttlescutt about the new superhero blockbuster Justice Leagues of America. As we previously reported, Universal is dead-set on casting a young, hip and sexy Justice League. This is much to the chagrin of fans of Green Lantern, who feel that recasting a character already succesful in a concurrent movie franchise would be "confusing and irritating," or so says Jeb over at Green-Lantern-on-Film.com.

In a rare editorial plea to Universal Jeb wrote:

"When I thought that Universal may go with an older, wiser Lantern I thought they could differientiate this character from the Green Lantern known to the public as the ntergallactic ring-bearing novice crime fighter from the highly successful reboot "Green Lantern Emerges" and this summer's sure-fire blokbuster The Green Light. Going with a young, hip and sexy Green Lantern stomps all over the fine work Chris Jordan and company are doing. Universal?! Hello??! Suck my dick. You can quote me on that you cum-gargling whores."

Yikes! Meanwhile casting for the coveted role of Superman has set the pathetic retard community ablaze! Rumored contenders include: David Borrealis, Jack Gyllenhal, Shia LaBorf, Boylard McCracken, Burgess VonCutsie, and...wait for it.....wait.....still wait..........huh.

Keep your eyes peeled for more exciting sputtlenutt!

Chaz B

DVD Round-up

Hey peepies! Chadley here. I just got a new girlfriend and she suggested a bit of a name change. She thought that Chadley was not cool enough so from now on I am...Chaz B. What do ya think? Anyway its Monday and y'all know what that means! DVD ROUND-UP!! Coming soon to DVD:

1) Nirvana: Storytellers - One of the most highly acclaimed performances in history finally comes to DVD next month, just in time for the holidays. As you all know, Kris Cobain died after choking on his own puke some 20 years ago, but his legend lingers. VH1 has delighted music fans around the world by announcing the official DVD release of Nirvana: Storytellers.

2) Surf's Up - Frank Miller's suprise box-office smash is hitting shelves this week. Narrated by Morton Freeman (Batman Returns' Lucious Fox) Surf's Up is the most original family flick in years. Whoever told Frank Miller that penguins would be in so much demand is a genius. Who would have thought. Surfing penguins? Whats next, Dancing penguins?

3) Poltergeist: 25th Century Anniversary Edition - One of the most bone-chilling horror masterpieces of all time gets the deluxe re-release this week! Based on the book by William Peter Blatty, Poltergeist asked the burning question: What if your seemingly sleepy and docile existence in a reganomics-era suburban neighborhood was shattered by terrifying invaders from beyond the grave? And what if that movie starred Coach? Well, that question is answered by this fright-fest which gets a new release celebrating the 25th Century anniversity. In the immortal words of Linda Blair: "They're there......"

Pick up these exciting DVD's this week and keep your eyes peeled!!!

-Chaz B

JUSTICE LEAGUES SCRIPT DETAILS LEAKED!

What up peepers?? Chadley Bebay II here with a scoop on Justice Leagues of The Americas. Jeff over at Aint-it-Batman.film tells us that that a few script pages were leaked and plot details have hit the web! Among the juciest nuggets of tastey scuttlebutt:

-The main villian will be Max Luthor and his scheme will revolve around OPEC robots.

-The Flash will be a younger, hipper, sexier character then we have seen in previous incarnations (unlike ABC's hit 90's show starring John Wilkes Boothe.)

-Wonderman will have a love scene and we hear its pretty steamy stuff! Not to give too much away but here's a hint: She falls for a human (with an affinity for fish...)

-Bale will make an appearence!!! (Comics fans know Bale as the murderous ex-wrestler-cum-criminal mastermind from the Batman: Knighttime story arc)

-Batman himself will only have about 6 minutes of screen time. This is around the same amount of screen-time the character had in 1998's Batman-on-Film.com: The Motion Picture, which many feel is responsible for the movies poor box office performance. (Warners: PLEASE FUCKING RETHINK THIS!)

-Bizzarro will also cameo, no doubt dropping such gems as "Me am hungry" at every turn

Keep your eyes peeled for exciting new devolpements as they come in!!

-Chadley

my mom has 2 dicks and I bit one of 'em real hard

Want to Write for Entertainment Weakey?

Greetings fans! Richard Decshamps here letting you know that Entertainment Weakey is currently seeking dedicated, enthusiastic and reliable reporters to write for our blog! Those who are interested should send a resume to richard.deschamps@yahoo.com, cover letter included, with a list of your top 5 favorite movies of all time. Chadley and I will go over resumes on our lunch break. Good luck fellows!

Deschamps...out!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen!!! Here is your James T. Pike!!!

Hey peeps, Chadley here!

As J.P. Abrahms new Star Trek prequel-reimagining-sequel-reboot Star Trek V picks up steam, tons of new casting scuttlenutt comes in everyday. Well, the grand-daddy of tasty casting morsels has slid out of Columbia Picture's hindquarters, and we are the first to report it!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the new young hip and sexy Captain Pike: Shia LaBoof!!!

This guy must have slept with the most influential casting agent in Hollywood history!

Keep your eyes peeled for more exciting developments!!

I sharted on a dead hobo.

Star Wars TV Show...Coming Soon!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here reporting from a long time ago, in a galaxy very far away! Just wanted to let you know that a very reliable source of mine who wishes to only go by the name BibFortuneCookie82 has filled me in on the upcoming Live Action Star Wars TV Series. Here's a little of what he had to say:

"hi richard! love the site, very informative! just wanted to let you know that i just returned from the skywalker farm a couple days ago where steven speilberg was hard at work on the upcoming star wars tv show. looks like the series takes place somewhere between episodes 1 and 2, where a young luke skywalker is being trained by ben "obi-wan" kenobes. trouble ensues when darth vader realizes his son is luke's step-brother, anakin solo! as you can imagine, the series writes itself. let your fans know richie! keep up the good work!"

Wow! Sounds like this TV series is gonna be the greatest sci-fi show since the Sopranos. Make sure to keep checking in with Entertainment Weakey for updates on this project!

Deschamps...out!!!

Amazing Indiana Jones Teaser Trailer Pops Up Online!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with exciting news regarding the Indiana Jones remake! Fans around the world haven't been this excited about a movie since the conclusion of the Matrix Quadrilogy in 2002. And now we finally have some eye candy for our brains to hold us over until 2009 when Indiana Jones and the City of Gods hits theaters. Enjoy fellows!

Juicy Superman Begins Sequel Rumor!

Good afternoon fans! Richard Deschamps here with some intriguing news regarding the follow up to 2005's Superman Begins. My friends over at Ain't That Cool News have reported that Terrance Howard (right), famous for his role as Colonel Zod from Superman III (1974), is in talks to reprise the villainous role that made the actor a household name in the as yet untitled sequel. Supporting the rumor is the fact that Howard is currently working with Begins' director Sam Mendes on the upcoming Valkyries.

I gotta say, the idea of Zod returning to defeat Superman is brilliant. After all, wouldn't you be just a bit ticked if Superman confined you to an inescapable trapezoid in outer space for all eternity?

Deschamps...out!!!

Upcoming Rambo Movie Gets New Title!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with exciting news regarding the latest (and reportedly final) installment to the Rambo Trilogy! The film, formerly known as My Name is John Rambo, has now taken the title "Rambo: Ticket to Hell and Back," according to its distributer Lions Fence Films. Wow, folks! The title alone says this movie is going to be the action-packed conclusion to the series we've been waiting for since The First Bloods (1981). Rambo: Ticket to Hell and Back has a tentative release date of 2011. I know I'll be waiting in line....will you?

Deschamps...out!!!

Saw III Hits Theaters Soon!!!

Whud up peeps?! Its your favorite movie news columnist Chad Bebay here with some Saw III scoop.

As you may or may not know, the latest and final installment of the Saw trilogy hits theaters this wednesday, just in time for Halloween. I was able to get into an advance screening last night and let me tell you, Saw III is easily the best of the series.

Without giving too much away, the film starts off with a bang. Hacksaw (Tobin Hooper pictured) is dead, but don't expect that to stop the carnage! His young protege, I believe her name is Jessica, is also dead, but the two devilsh serial killers left one last trap... Can Mark Wahlberg (pictured) outlast Hacksaw's final malicious trap? You will have to check it out yourself. Saw III hits theaters this Friday.

New Terminator Films Greenlit!

Good evening fans! Richard Deschamps here with a story I just couldn't wait till tomorrow to post. Universal Pictures has just obtained rights to distribute "Terminator Slavation: The Future," a move that will reinvent the franchise with a storyline to be told over four...yes, FOUR, new Terminator movies! The annoucement of this film comes seven long years since we last saw Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jason Patric battle it out in Terminator 3: Rise of the Robots (2001). The same screenwriters of T3: ROTR have penned the script (John Brancatowitz and Michael Bueler), with rumors floating around that Rushmore (1973) director Brett Ratner will take on directing duties.

The only problem I have with this project is that I think Arnie is getting a bit old to make action pics. Afterall, the Florida Governor is 73 at this point, and reportedly weighs a frail 172 lbs. Wanna know who I think should star in the film? You guessed it, Sly Stallone (right). Hire this man.

Radiohead Release New Album as Upload!!!!

Hey folks, Chadley Bebay here. We normally don't cover too much in the music biz, but this story seemed to demand our attention. In a groundbreaking move destined to shake the music industry to its very core, Radiohead has released their latest album exclusively as an upload!!! Arguably the most shocking aspect of this "upload only" release, is that YOU decide how much you want to pay for it!

The highly anticipated album Under the Rainbow is the seminal British alt-rock band's first album in 6 years. When asked by what took so long singer Tom Yorne replied simply: "We had to be absolutely certain it was perfect."

The band's label, NME records has told us we can expect a career spanning tour-de-force from the new LP, the band's seventh. Featuring arrangements similar the electro-blip cacophony of Kidiotech A, as well as infusing orchestral elements reminiscent of Hooray Computer, the new album promises to exceed all expectations. Word has it such tracks as 12 step program feature acoustic and vocal arrangements that hearken back to the band's debut Pablo's Money.

Go to radiohead.com/undertherainbow to upload this album. Notice the price field is left blank, that's because YOU decide how much to pay for it! As guitarist Jimmy Gringwood tells Entertainment Weakey: "We want to know how much this upload is worth to you, the listener."
Keep your eyes peeled!

Standout track: Naked

-Chadley Bebay

Full Dark Knights Trailer...Coming Soon!

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with some exciting news regarding the upcoming Dark Knights! A very reliable source of mine has confirmed that the highly anticipated remake of Batman (1988) will have a full trailer available online as soon as December 14th.

Fans are speculating if this will be attached to the mysterious Will Smith thriller I Am A Legend, also a Warner Bros picture. Dark Knights stars Christian Bane as Batman (left) and Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne's lawyer, Alfred Pennyman. Keep checking in with Entertainment Weakey for updates on this exciting news!

Deschamps...out!!!

X-Files 2 In Full Swing!

Chadley Bebay here peeps! As you may have heard through by now, production will soon begin on a sequel to the smash hit X Files: The Motion Picture (1994) based on the breakthrough Fox drama starring David Dunchovi and Jillian Andersen. (Entertainment Weakey broke this news in January!!!)

The sequel has been languishing in development hell for nearly a decade. Just recently the movie world was shocked to hear that series star David Dunchovi (now seen on hit HBO show Kalifornia) would be back on the silver scene as CIA agent Fox Munder. Munder was a rouge agent of the CIA hellbent on exposing a government conspiracy to hide the existence of extra-terrestrials from the American people. Playing his skeptic partner Dana Skunny is the incomperable Jillian Anderson.

Anderson has also confirmed she will be reprising her role as Agent Skunny for the sequel as well. She wrote in her August blog : "Things are really heating up for the sequel. I can now reveal the sequel will be called X-Files 2.0: Truth is of the Essence. See you guys in December!!!" The posting seemed to suggest production is really taking off! Series creator Frank Black confirmed that this movie will not deal with Aliens but rather take a new direction. Entertainment Weakey got word from a very trusted source it will have something to do with the conspiracies surrounding the Kennedy Assasination. (Bore-o-rama!) Keep your eyes peeled!

OFFICIAL: Gus Gorman to Appear in Justice League Movie!

EXCLUSIVE: Greetings fellows! Richard Deschamps here with an important update on the upcoming Justice League movie. A very reliable source of mine has just informed me that beloved Superman IV: The Quest for World Peace (1982) character "Gus Gorman" will indeed make an appearance at some point during Justice League of Americas. Just what kind of role will G'orman play in the film? Here's just a tidbit of information from someone who goes by the name of "NuclearMan4501" :

"hi richard..love the site and what you guys are doin over at "weakey." wanted to let you know that i got to read this justice league script. great script, will be a gr8 picture. you should inform your readers that gus gorman has a cameo towards the end. not gonna say what he does, but it's definitely rad! just call me nuclearman4501."

There it is guys! One can only imagine what this means for the Justice League! As many of you know, Pryer died 15 years ago. I'm assuming that they will bring him to life through CGI, similar to Brandor's appearance in Superman Begins (2005). Bookmark this page to stay in the know on this exciting news!

Deschamps...out!!!

Superman: Doomsday (Review)

Greetings fans! Richard Deschamps here with a review of the recently released Superman: Doomsday on DVD. Being a huge comic book fan, I just couldn't wait to see what Marvel had in store when they decided to take on the classic Knightfall storyline. You can only imagine how excited I was when I discovered the movie was rated NC-17! Did this mean extreme violence, nudity, strong language and/or penetration? The answers to those questions are no, no, no, and/or some.

From what I remember, the comic followed Bale (left), a crazed ex-wrestler who escapes Arkham Asylum with one simple thing on his mind: Kill Superman. Why does he want to kill Superman? No one knows. The mysterious nature of this insane murderer is what made the comic so brilliant. However, in Superman: Doomsday, the story is somewhat changed, and instead of Bale, we are given a ridiculous character by the name of, you guessed it, Doomsday. Doomsday is an alien from Saturn, discovered by millionaire Ross Webster during one of his many hot air balloon adventures. His intentions are similar to Bale, but apart from that, the similarities end there. Doomsday wants Superman's blood, and nothing (and I mean nothing!) is going to stand in his way. After an epic battle in Gotham City, Superman is killed, and Gotham is left without their beloved hero. What will come of the good citizens who relied on their Christ-like figure for so long? What will Lana Lang do now that she no longer has Clerk Kent? Will Ross Webster (below) be persecuted for unleashing such a monster upon the world?

I can assure you the second half of the movie will have you on the edge of your seat. It involves many twists and turns, as well as some unexpected superhero cameos. (I won't give it away, but let's just say his name is Spider-Man.) On behalf of Entertainment Weakey, I give Superman: Doomsday 4 out of 5 stars. Highly recommended!!!

Deschamps...out!!!

Michael Keaton talks Heath-Joker!

Michael Keaton, (right) also known as the always-loyal Alfred Pennyman (Bruce Wayne's lawyer and confident in the prequel Batman Returns), has spoken out about Heath Legend's portrayal of the iconic Joker in the follow up to Batman Returns, "Dark Nights." In an interview with Stuff Magazine, Keaton was asked who Dark Nights was all about: "I’ll tell you who it’s about. It’s about Heath Legend as The Joker," Keaton mused. He then went on to say Legend's performance is "one of the scariest performances I’ve ever seen."

(Heath Legend's young hip and scary Joker Look, right)

Many people criticize the move to leave Jack Nicholas out of the prequels, but as many people point out, Jack looks much older now and he is not suited to play the younger, hipper Joker. Regardless we will know this Christmas when Dark Nights premieres. Keep your eyes peeled!

(Special thanks to Jeff from Batman-On-Batman.com for the scoop!)

-Chadley Bebay

Star Trek V...Coming Soon!!!

Hi folks! My name is Chadley Bebay and I have been asked to help out here on Entertainment Weakey, as our readership has EXPLODED! Here's some scoop:

It seems that things are really heating up with the new Star Trek movie. J.P. Abrahms, best known for his CBS drama Alias, is at the helm of this "re-imagining/prequel." The concept is simple: What were the members of Star Trek like before they ever stepped foot aboard the SS. Enterprise? Abrahms has described this project as a prequel involving teenage versions of the popular characters. The film, tentatively entitled "Star Trek V" will follow familiar characters such as Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Chewbacca, and Bones through the trials and tribulations of Starfleet High School. Think Muppet Babies meets Starship Troopers. Keep your eyes peeled for this exciting project!

Incredible Hulk Prequel Nearly Finished Filming

Good morning fans! Richard Deschamps here with yet another fascinating insider report from the wonderful world of Comic Book Movies! As many of you already know, 20th Century Fox began production on a brand new Hulk movie, after the catastrophe that was Hulk (2002). Titled "Incredible Hulk 2," the idea behind this film is to explain the origins of the King Kong-like superhero, and reinvent the character for today's audience. Similar to Texas Chainsaw Massacres Begin (2006), the film will take place before the events of The Hulk (2002), making it a certifiable prequel! I know many of my fans out there will agree that a superhero prequel is just what this franchise needs. Batman Returns I'm looking in your direction!

However, I'm a bit skeptical about their casting choices. A reliable source of mine confirms that Edward Norton (Romper Stomper, Primal Fears) has been cast as the film's protagonist. Edward Norton? As David Banner/Hulk? Give me a break, guys! The dude is a wimp, plain and simple. It's gonna take an awful lot of makeup to turn Mr. Norton into our lovable ape of a hero. If you ask me, they should have gone with someone like Florida Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just put on a bit of green eyeshadow and we have a bona fide Incredible Hulk ladies and gentleman!

In other news, Marvel is hard at work trying to promote Iron Man (2008) for next year. Have you guys seen the incredible trailer yet? Check it out here. Directed by the one and only (not to mention hysterical) Vince Vaughn, Iron Man is set to be Marvel's next big superhero franchise. Let's just hope the media conglomerate doesn't screw it up like they did with Superman Begins (2005) and add a bunch of boring crap like a shitty villain (Ross Webster), superbabies, and Lana Lang! Get it through your heads Marvel! People want action, suspense and CGI. Let's all just pray that Iron Men is the fantastic feature we all deserve!

Deschamps, out!!!

Justice League Movie in Full-Throttle!

Richard Deschamps here with another fascinating insider report from the wonderful world of Comic Book Movies! Rumor has it that Warner Bros. has recently commissioned director Frank Miller, who brought us the hilariously wild Surf's Up (2007) last summer, to helm the long-awaited sequel to Superman Begins (2005), aptly titled "Justice League of America." The very thought of Superman and Batman together on the big screen makes me want to skip around the block a few times in my Clark Kent pajamas. I'm sure many of my fans out there will agree that this is the greatest comic book movie news since the unexpected curveball announcement of Spider-Man 2!!!


However, a reliable source of mine confirms that casting has been a bit tricky. How exactly can you cast Superman and Batman, while both co-exist in their own respective franchises? I bet Tim Burton is just a tad concerned this might interfere with his reimagination of the Batman series. Afterall, Burton's Batman Returns (2004) breathed new life into the character, a decade after Jerry Schumacher nearly killed the series altogether! Trust me Warner Bros., lay off Batman in Justice League of Americas. You don't want another Batman & Robin (1996) on your hands. Especially since someone like Chris O'Donnell donned the iconic cape and cowl!


In addition to casting troubles, are we really ready for another superhero catastrophe? (X-Men 3: The Best Stand...I'm looking in your direction!) This is another problem the project faces. There's just too many classic superheros involved with this movie! Besides Superman and Batman, the team also includes Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Aquaman, Captain America and, wait for it...Martian Manhunter. I mean, they'd have to give each character at least a half hour to explain how each came to be. What does this translate into? SNOOZE-FEST!

Deschamps, out!!!